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Romans Lesson 23 (2008)

THE INGREDIENTS OF LOVE
Romans 12:9-21
Key Verse: 12:9

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”

Everyone loves cookies, especially big, fat, chewy chocolate chip cookies. Even though I have to watch my diet, I can hardly resist them. Have you tried Starbucks Ginger Molasses Cookies? If not, try them. They taste really good. And they are good for your diet as well. I liked them so much that I wanted to make them for myself. So I did some research on the web. If you want to know, come to me after the service. I will give you the secret recipe for those cookies. You can make them and share them with your loved ones. In today’s passage, Apostle Paul gives us a special recipe not for cookies but for love. Paul’s detailed instructions for love in today’s passage seem disorganized and disconnected from each other. However, when we carefully examine them, we see that they are necessary ingredients to making our love truthful. Let’s think about what essential ingredients we should have in our love-relationships with others.

In last week’s passage, Romans 12:1-8, Apostle Paul urged us that in view of God’s mercy, we should offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God and that we should not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by renewing of our minds. One of the key points of Paul’s teaching on transformation is self-discipline. Transformation is not automatic. It requires self-discipline. The fruitful Christian life depends on accountability. Jesus said in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” In other words, no Christian can live a fruitful life by having good impulses or sincere intentions. Rather, we are to discipline ourselves to obey God’s will, like the Olympians who train themselves constantly to win the prize. (2 Tim 4:7-9) Paul had just mentioned the variety of God’s gifts and unity of the body of Christ in the previous passage. (12:4-8) In order to have unity with all the different parts in the body of Christ, we must have the most desired gift of God, which is love. Jesus said to his disciples that it is by our love for our fellow believers that all men will know that we are Jesus’ disciples. (Jn 13:35) In today’s passage, Paul speaks about the 12 ingredients of love.

The first ingredient of love is sincerity. (9a) Look at verse 9a. “Love must be sincere.” Another translation says, “Love must be genuine.” The word “sincere” or “genuine” literally means “without hypocrisy.” In other words, we are not to fake it. There is a sign that says, “You are born to be loved.” That’s true. But it also should say, “You are loved to love others.” How can we show sincere and genuine love to others? It’s possible when we are filled with the love of God. When we are full of God’s love, it will automatically overflow to others. God is love. He demonstrated His own love for us through Jesus Christ who died for us while we were still sinners. (Ro 5:8) God’s love for us is self-giving, unselfish, willful devotion, sincere with no strings attached. That’s the kind of love Paul is talking about.

The second ingredient of love is discernment. (9b) Look at verse 9b. “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” It’s surprising to note that while mentioning love, Paul commands us to hate. But we should not be surprised. Some people say that love makes you blind. But according to Paul, true love should not be a blind sentiment, making us lose our sense of right and wrong. Instead, love is discerning. We cannot love evil and love God at the same time. If we love God, we hate what is evil.

1 Corinthians 13:6 reads, “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” We must be careful that in our zeal to win some people, we do not allow ourselves to be drawn into sins, like doctors and nurses who are dedicated to helping their ill patients but still takes every precaution to protect themselves from those illnesses. Otherwise, they too would become infected. We should not think of love as “everything that makes me feel good,” Not every choice is a good choice, not every relationship is a good relationship. Love definitely requires clear discernment. “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”

The third ingredient of love is deep affection. (10a) Look at verse 10a. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.” Here, Apostle Paul uses two Greek words that express the love of family members for each other. One of them is “philadelphia,” which means “brotherly love.” The other one is “adelphos” which means “brother” or “one born of the same womb.” So what Paul was saying is that we should have deep affection to those born from the same womb. How do you feel about your own brothers and sisters? It’s natural to have affection to each other even though you might argue once in a while. Likewise, all Christians who have been born of the same womb, God’s womb, should have the deep affection for each other as brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus. Sometimes, the differences in our character, culture, languages, or ages may make us feel awkward. Yet, we can overcome those differences when we know that we are brothers and sisters, born of the same womb, God’s womb. We can overcome the differences and be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Devoted brotherly love is one of the marks by which the world will know that we belong to Christ. One lady said that she decided to join us because we seem to have brotherly love. I hope we can have more of this kind of love.
The fourth ingredient of love is respect. (10b) Look at verse 10b. “Honor one another above yourselves.” Love in the family of God is to show not just affection but also mutual respect. Paul said a similar thing in his letter, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Phil 2:3) To honor someone is not to flatter them or to exaggerate your evaluation of someone. When we exaggerate, it’s not honest appreciation. The person may not feel appreciated but embarrassed, To honor somebody means to show genuine appreciation. It’s easy to lose our respect for one another when we focus too much on the negatives rather than the positives of others. To honor another above yourselves can also mean to “give preference to one another in honor.” In other words, love does not envy or boast. During the last Wimbledon tennis championship match in London, Rafael Nadal defeated Roger Federer. He cried in the locker room. Yet, when he was interviewed, he humbly said, “Compared to Roger, I am just a kid.” I felt so moved not just by their tennis match but by their mutual respect for each other. We should have genuine and mutual respect for one another. Mutual respect is an important ingredient of love.

The fifth ingredient of love is enthusiasm. (11) Look at verse 11. “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.” “Never lacking in zeal” can be paraphrased as “not lazy in zeal and intensity” or as enthusiasm. If someone you love has an emergency, you would put aside your own interest to give your full attention to the person. Once I had a flat tire while driving on the LIE (I-495). I didn’t want to bother anyone because it was during the morning rush hour. But I really needed someone to come and help me. Of course, I could’ve called a towing company. Yet, when I called one of my coworkers, he didn’t say that he was too busy. He immediately came and helped me. I felt deeply loved by him. There are many beautiful stories of love among us. Many of us are full of zeal and have spiritual fervor to help those who are in need. But it can be very exhausting unless we have a clear priority and clear perspective in what we are doing. We must not forget our priority is serving the Lord. That’s why Paul added the phrase, “serving the Lord” after his instruction.

Never lacking in zeal can also mean that we are not to become spiritually burned out. No car can run without gas. No engine can start without battery. Especially during the winter season, our car needs a good battery and enough fuel. Likewise, we need to have a clear perspective and priority so that we may continue to have spiritual enthusiasm and fervor to love others. This reminds us of what Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (Jn 15:5) He also said, “As Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” If you feel indifferent and lacking in zeal, you must check your spiritual battery and fuel tank so that you may be fully prepared to love others in Christ Jesus.

The sixth ingredient of love is patience. (12) Look at verse 12. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. We know that love is patient. How patient? Extremely patient. It seems that patience is the first and the most essential ingredient of love. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:1 “love is patient” and 13:7, “It (love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. Here, in Romans 12:12, he adds “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Why did he add “hope”? It’s because without hope, we cannot be patient or joyful. If we give up hope, we cannot even pray. A very important ingredient of love is patience. Perhaps, one of the greatest acts of love is faithful prayer. Around six months ago, I received a phone call from a man in Korea. When he told me his name, I remembered that he had been one of our Bible students in the Korean Air Force around 30 years ago. He struggled together with me and Missionary Abraham Hwang, who is now in Mexico. He said that he is a successful businessman and an elder in his church. But I was amazed to hear that he has been praying for me and Missionary Abraham Hwang every early morning for the last 30 years. I know some of us pray faithfully for their children, friends, parents, coworkers and pastors even though it seems nothing seems to be changing. However, prayer is a really beautiful act of love. Don’t give up. Keep up the good work and be joyful in hope.

The seventh ingredient of love is generosity (13a). Look at verse 13a. “Share with God’s people who are in need.” The word “share” in Greek is “koinoneo” which can mean either to share in people’s needs and sufferings, or to share our resources with them. We must know that our wealth is not our own, that we are only the stewards of God’s wealth. God gave us wealth so that we can share those resources with others. We are to learn to share what we have with others, especially with God’s people who are in need. One young student could not register for classes because he didn’t have enough money to pay. When a lady found out, she felt sorry for him and left the money he needed in his Bible with encouraging words and without her name written. I know one young man who donated a lot of money for Uganda. We who are given generously from God are to share what we have. Paul encourages Timothy to instruct those who are rich in this present world … to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and be generous and willing to share. (1 Timothy 6:17-18) Some of us might say, “I am not that rich.” But generosity out of poverty is real generosity.

Eighth ingredient of love is hospitality. (13b) Look at verse 13b. “Practice hospitality.” The Greek word for hospitality is “philoxenia.” “Philo” means “affection” or “Love” “Xenos” means “stranger” or “foreigner.” Therefore, hospitality originally means “showing kindness to strangers.” Hebrews 13:2 also says, “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” In Paul’s time, there were no Holiday Inns, or Howard Johnson. Travelers had to depend on families who opened their home to them. To have strangers in your home is not easy unless you are really sacrificial love for them and have confidence in them. Of course, these days, we have many motels, inns and hotels and good restaurants available. Some restaurants are open 24 hours. So we don’t necessarily have to entertain them at our house. What matters is not where or what but how. How willing are we to serve them? That’s what matters. Whenever I go to Chicago, I feel very happy because many coworkers compete to have me as their guest. Many of us serve guests regularly, sometimes totally unexpectedly. I know many of us served many guests during the summer. Even though it was not easy to serve them, it was a wonderful and meaningful experience of fellowship in Christ Jesus. Whenever some guests come, I send them to either to Peter Song or Dr. William Shin not just because they have a bigger house but because they are willing. The phrase “practice hospitality” is translated as “seek to show hospitality” in other translation. It almost means that we should not just wait until they come and ask, but we should eagerly ask them to be our guests.

The ninth ingredient of love is good will (14; 17-21) Look at verse 14. “Bless those who persecute; bless and do not curse.” When we are mistreated, misunderstood or hated by someone, it leaves scars and wounds that last for a lifetime. Sometimes, such attacks can come from our close friends or trusted coworkers. Those are the hardest to overcome. What shall we do? Shall we curse them and cut off the relationship? No. Paul said that we should bless them, not curse. Jesus showed a good example. On the cross, he prayed for those who are mocking and crucifying him. He did not say “Father, please remember what they are doing.” Instead, “Father, forgive them!” Forgive them!?

According to verses 17-21, we are not to repay anyone evil for evil. We are not to take revenge but leave room for God’s wrath. Instead, we should bless them. It does not mean to just say, “God bless you!” We should overcome evil with good. Verse 20, “On the contrary, ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’” We are not to be overcome by evil no matter what. It’s easy to take revenge in a subtle way, by not talking to the person or wishing them to fall. But we are to bless them positively. Jesus said in Matthew 5:44, “… Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.”

The tenth ingredient of love is solidarity (15). Look at verse 15. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.” The word “Solidarity” means a union of interests, purposes, or sympathies among members of a group. When we have solidarity, we rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.
Love does not stand on the sidelines like a spectator while others go through a hard time. It may be easier to mourn with those who mourn. But it’s hard to rejoice with those who rejoice when their success and achievement make ours seem dry and dull. It’s not natural for us to always rejoice with those who rejoice. We need to recognize that if one member of the body is honored, then all the members of the body are honored. We must remember that we are one in Christ.

The eleventh ingredient of love is harmony. (16a, 18) Look at verse 16a. “Live in harmony with one another.” Verse 18 also reads, ‘If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.’” The phrase “live in harmony with one another” in Greek literally means “think the same things toward each other.” However, this does not suggest total agreement. After all, if two people in a group always agree on everything, one of them is not needed. In the orchestra, there are many different instruments, playing on the same page at the same time. But they don’t play the same notes. Yet, they create such a beautiful harmony. So it is with the body of Christ. One of the great pastors said that we must learn how to disagree with one another without demonizing the other person. Diversity can be a great source of strength, not chaos, when we learn to live in harmony with one another.

The twelfth ingredient of love is humility (16b). “Look at verse 16b. “Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” Someone in the church told the pastor, D. L. Moody, “Sir, I am a self-made man.” To him, Moody replied, “Really? You have relieved the Almighty of a great responsibility.” That person revealed nothing but his arrogance and pride. Nobody can claim that he or she is self-made. In the community of believers, there should not be upper or lower classes or its division based on ethnicity or anything. We have to be willing to associate with anybody. Jesus was never a snob. He frequently associated with social outcasts, such as tax collectors, prostitutes and drunkards. That convicts me of my wrong. When I go to exercise, there is one man who acts really weird. But he thinks that everybody else is weird. I found that I wasn’t too enthusiastic about saying even “hello” to him. But love is humble, not proud.

We are easily manipulated by secular culture of the day, which says that happiness comes from immediate gratification, worldly success and wealth. Even many believers are influenced by those ideas and despise spiritual discipline. Many people suffer from broken and damaged relationships. Our happiness depends on the quality of our relationships. We have just learned the 12 ingredients of love. If a person loves others with these spiritual ingredients, he is a truly blessed person. We are to discipline ourselves to have at least with one of these. God is love. As God’s children, we need to love one another and more and more.

< 12 ingredients of love >

1. Sincerity
2. Discernment
3. Deep affection
4. Respect
5. Enthusiasm
6. Patience
7. Generosity
8. Hospitality
9. Good will
10. Solidarity
11. Harmony
12. Humility