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Ephesians Lesson 7

NEW RELATIONSHIPS

Ephesians 5:21-6:9
Key Verse: 5:21

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

These days, the notion of submission is considered old-fashioned and unpopular. Everyone claims, “I am my own person. I don’t need to submit to anybody.” No wonder that there are so many problems between husbands and wives, parents and children, employers and employees, teachers and students. God established the family as a core of the paradise on earth. But many families are falling apart due to bad and broken relationships. Is there any way that we can all get along in the family, school and work place? Saint Paul says that we should submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Submission is not a synonym for inferiority, but for humility. When we humbly submit ourselves to the Lord, it’s not too hard to submit to one another. Although Jesus was the Son of God, he did not boss people around. He was submissive to his parents. He humbly served his disciples and washed their feet, like a servant. He was submissive to the will of the Father even to the point of death. The Scripture says that because of his reverent submission to the will of God, his prayer was heard and he became the source of eternal salvation for all those who obey him. If Jesus the Son of God was submissive, how much more should we be submissive to one another? Of course, it does not mean that children can order their parents and parents should obey their children.

First, wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord (22-24)

Look at verses 22-24. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” As we have studied in the previous chapters, the church is not a building but the body of believers who profess Jesus as their Lord and Savior, who suffered and died on the cross for their sins. If there were no Christ’s sacrificial death, there wouldn’t be the church of Christ on earth. Christ is the head of the church. There is an inseparable relationship between the church and Christ. In the Old Testament, the nation Israel was referred to as a bride. But in the New Testament, the Church, the body of Jewish believers and Gentile believers, is referred as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband, Jesus Christ. Revelation 21:2 says, “I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.” Jesus compared the kingdom of God to the king who prepared a wedding for his son. (Mt 22:1-14) Apostle Paul compares the relationship between wives and husbands to the relationship between the Church and Christ. As the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands. Why? It’s because the husband is the head of the wife.

Does it mean that wives should submit to their husbands because they are inferior to their husbands? No. Not at all. Both men and women are created equal in the image of God. However, in the family in which the wife may be the best, the husband is the first. The husband is the president of the family and the wife is the vice-president. Therefore, wives should submit to the authority of their husbands even though their husbands may not be perfect husbands. If wives do not submit to their husbands by respecting and supporting them, neither the husbands nor the family can stand strong. The wives’ role is crucial to the family.

Many able and smart wives fail to be good wives because they fail to submit to their husbands. Some women may say, “I want to marry a nice guy, but I don’t want to submit to him.” We know that she is not ready to get married because she may be an able woman but she is not ready to be a wife. A good wife is not an able wife but a submissive wife. Abraham was a man of faith. But he was not a perfect husband. Sometimes he act like chicken by saying that his wife was his sister. But Sarah didn’t despise her husband. Saint Peter also said in 1 Peter 3:5 and 6, “For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.” Christian wives submit to their husbands not because their husbands are such beautiful creatures, but because they have a close relationship to the Lord. That is why Paul said, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”

Second, husbands, love your wives (25-33)

Although Paul gives his instructions first to wives, it was rather brief  compared with his instructions for husbands. Paul has much more to say to husbands. But the point is simple; husbands should love their wives. Read verse 25. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Husbands should love their wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. However, there are many immature husbands who act like little boys, demanding  full attention and love from their wives. But husbands should be mature enough so that they can love their wives instead of nagging love from them, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. To live with a stubborn wife might be unbearable just as it is hard to live with an immature husband. If husbands only nag their wives to be loved by them, wives become weary and feel insecure. If wives feel unloved, they become rebellious and stubborn rather than submissive.

Look at verses 26 and 27. “To make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as radiant church, without stain or winkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” In a male-dominant society, many husbands exercised their authority over their wives. They treated their wives like slaves. In the ancient times, so many wives had been ill-treated by their abusive husbands. But Christian husbands should not exercise their authority over their wives. Instead, they should practice their authority to love and serve them, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Jesus loved the Church with full dedication and total sacrifice. Through his sacrificial love and the power of his word, the church became holy and glorious, without stain or wrinkle. (26,27) It is only through the grace of Jesus Christ that the church can stand strong now and forever. Likewise, husbands should be considerate and treat their wives with respect as the weaker partners and precious jewels. (1 Pet 3:7) In that way, husbands and wives can form a holy vessel of prayer as a house church for God’s blessing to overflow.

Look at verses 28-30. “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church — for we are members of his body.” Here, Apostle Paul says that husbands should love their wives because they are one. When I first got married, I was very legalistic and spiritually immature. As I was leaving Korea to join my wife who was in the US, at the airport my aged father told me something that I can never forget. “My son, don’t forget God’s grace, and love your wife.” At the beginning of my marriage, I demanded my wife to submit  to my authority as the Bible says. Obviously, it didn’t work because I tried to boss her around and force her to obey me fully instead of loving her as Jesus loved the Church. One day, my spiritual mentor asked her how I was doing as husband. She said to him, “Well, he is good. But I think he needs to grow up.” My spiritual mentor immediately understood what she said and advised me to learn to play cello. He said, “See if you can force your cello to make a beautiful sound. To make a beautiful sound, you must embrace your cello and become united.” Husbands and wives are one body in Christ Jesus. Therefore, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

Look at verses 31 and 32. “‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.” Most people look for a perfect marriage partner, thinking that if they marry a perfect wife or husband, their marriage will be fantastic. So they try to pick and choose. Yet, their honeymoon soon goes sour. And their marriage ends in divorce. They say, “We decided to separate because we found that we are so different.” Next time when they divorce, they say the same thing. But Christian marriage is different from worldly marriage. Christians have different attitude toward marriage. Before they marry one another, each of them is married first to Jesus Christ, who is their spiritual husband. Therefore, no matter how different husbands and wives are, they are ready to accept each other’s differences in Christ Jesus. When husbands love their wives and wives submit to their husbands in the Lord, the differences between them and the difficulties of life do not pull them apart. Rather they stick together even more tightly in Christ Jesus. Their love grows day by day as they abide in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Christian marriage is a mystery of God because two different people become one, being united in Christ Jesus. Children, as they grow older, leave their parents to be united with their own  spouse. But husbands and wives remain together to the very end of their lives on earth. Marriage is God’s profound mystery through which the grace of Jesus is displayed. May the Lord raise many beautiful house churches to shine the grace of Jesus in this dark world.

Third, children and parents (6:1-4)

Read verses 1-3. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” We as children ought to obey our parents. Most children are very obedient when they are very young. But as they grow older, they question their parents. When parents say to them, “Honey, you must brush your teeth,” they ask, “Why?” Why do they say “Why?” It’s not necessarily because they are rebellious. It’s one of the signs that they are growing as a normal human being. As children try to discover themselves as an individual, they have to question everything and have an answer for it. They have a hard time to just obey their parents.

But some children are unconditionally rebellious. They say that they don’t find meaning in their lives unless they rebel. Once the movie “Rebel without a cause” was very popular among young people. By nature the most difficult thing for human beings is obedience. Why should children obey their parents? Verse 1 says that it’s because it’s a right thing to do so. Children should obey their parents not necessarily because their parents are right or perfect. They should obey their parents because it is right for them to do. In other words, it was God’s design that his children should learn obedience by obeying their parents at home. If they fail to obey their parents at home, they will have a lot of problems in their lives. For example, many students don’t obey their teachers because they have not learned to obey their parents at home. Some children refuse to obey their parents and even despise them because they think that they are smarter and wiser than their parents. If they were really wise, they would respect and obey their parents.

Leviticus 20:9 says, “If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death.” According to Deuteronomy 21:18-21, rebellious children were to be stoned to death in the public square. It may sound too harsh. But it shows that God takes the sin of rebelliousness and disobedience very seriously. On the other hand, God promised to bless those who honor and obey their parents. Look at verses 2 and 3. “‘Honor your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’”Of course, it does not mean that those who obey their parents will all become rich and live long lives. God is not pleased with those who dishonor and disobey their parents. Most parents want the best for their children. If we grieve our parents, we are not pleasing God. Sometimes, we are in a conflict between pleasing our parents and pleasing God in heaven. Of course, we should obey our parents in the Lord. It means if parents don’t want us to worship and serve God, we cannot obey their demands. But we still owe our respect and honor to our parents.

Look at verse 4. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Parents should not be harsh on their children by misusing their authority over them. Sometimes, it’s easy even for good-intentioned parents to provoke their children by demanding too much from them. Some parents are so nosy and domineering that children get discouraged and want to run away from them. Parents should give their children room to breathe and grow by making mistakes.

Parents should overcome favoritism. Isaac favored Esau, and Rebecca favored Jacob. It caused a lot of trouble in the family. Jacob also favored Joseph, the son of his beloved wife Rachel, more than his other children. While other siblings had to wear hand-me-down clothes or clothes from K-Mart, Joseph could wear a custom-designed suit from Macy’s. Parents’ favoritism makes their children very bitter. Although most parents try to love each of their children equally, children are very sensitive to the way they are treated. Some children are bitter toward their parents because they feel that their parents love their siblings more than them. Those who are favored by their parents are happy. But those who feel that they are not favored by their parents become bitter. Therefore, parents should be very careful to love each of their children according to their needs so that none of them may become bitter.

Being a good parent is not easy. We cannot become good parents just by showering them with lots of gifts and love. Parents should bring them up in the proper training and instruction of the Lord. Parents should teach their children right values based on the Scriptures. Children make mistakes and get in trouble in the course of their growth. But parents should take time and trouble with their children. Most of all, they should be good models of the life of faith in God. There are no perfect parents and no perfect children. We all make mistakes. However, we should not give up. Until a few years ago, on every Mother’s day, my sons used to evaluate their mother in their mother’s day cards. “Dear Mom, you are the best mom in the whole world.” I know I am not a perfect father. But it is one of the happiest moments in my life when I get a good evaluation from my children. “Dad! You are the best dad in the whole world.” And I say to them in my heart, “You are the best kids in the whole world.”

Fifth, slaves and masters (5-9)

Look at verses 5-7. “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eyes on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.” In Paul’s time, slavery was a major part of infrastructure in the Roman society. There were approximately 60 million slaves in the Roman Empire. Probably one out of two or three people in Rome was a slave.  Slaves were considered as a tool or a possession and treated inhumanely. It is undeniable that slavery is the most evil institute that man has ever devised. But Paul didn’t encourage slaves to rise up against their masters or slave-owners in a slave rebellion. Instead, he encouraged Christian slaves to obey their earthly masters even more sincerely. He encouraged them not just to try to change their human situation but to have dignity as a servant of God.

Joseph in the Old Testament became a slave in Egypt. But he didn’t just remain as a slave. He became a steward in the house of Potiphar and even when he was in prison. Wherever he went, he had stewardship as a servant of God. He didn’t live before the eyes of men to win their favor. He lived his life before the eyes of God. Later on, the Lord exalted him to be the prime-minister of Egypt.

Look at verses 8 and 9.  “Because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free. And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.” Spiritually speaking, we Christians are all servants of Christ. Whether we are slaves or slave owners, employees or employers, we are all servants of Christ. In fact, Paul identified himself as the slave of Christ. (Ro 1:1, Gal 1:10, Eph 3:7) Even though Jesus is the Son of the Most High God, he became a humble servant. He said in Mark 10:45, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Here, we learn that true servantship is a basic Christian attitude toward one another.

We are called to be lights in the world, beginning from within our family and work place where we spend most of our time. Our mission begins from our immediate family members, parents and children, husbands and wives, coworkers, bosses and employers. But many people fail to be a blessing, and their lives suffer from bad relationships. We should live a life of submission to the Lord. When we are fully submitted to the Lordship of Christ, we are free indeed and a new creation in Christ. Through our submission, we can have new relationships in our family and society. The world we live in is very dark.  But we can make the difference. How? It’s only when we learn to submit.